Today

As far as I know, little boys don't just dream of growing up to be drug dealers. Little girls don't dream of growing up to be someone who feels like they need to sell their body to make a way in life.

Oh no, little boys dream of being firemen or baseball players. Little girls dream of being princesses or singers.

Where's the disconnect?

There are little kids dreaming of growing up to be just like Mommy and Daddy, when Mommy and Daddy don't walk like Jesus. They can't be judged. They're doing the best they can do. They're doing all they've known. It's a generational thing. Somewhere along the way someone made a bad decision and it's impacted...generations.

What you're doing now...what you're doing today...it'll impact more than just you. It'll impact the futures of your great grandkids, their kids, and far more.

Did you get that?

What you do with this day will impact generations.

That's a heavy statement to bare, but truth none the less.

I get the opportunity to meet kids here all the time. I see hurt, confusion, pain, brokenness... all the time. Fear in the eyes of a child is not a beautiful thing. I get close enough to these kids to tie their shoes and paint their faces. Best believe I pray over them every chance I get. God, protect them. God, guide them. God, love them.

You want to see a change in the world? It starts with them. It starts with mentoring, loving on, teaching, raising up...them. To be all God has created them to be in all it's splendor and glory.

Don't want to spend time fixing adults? Spend time nurturing children. Then there will be less adults that need 'fixing'.

In my head I have this glorious picture of what the world should look like. Little girls playing on swings not awaken to what sex is because they've been molested. Little boys pedaling bikes not pedaling drugs. (Do you pedal drugs? I feel like that isn't an actual term for what people do...but it works well here...so yeah lets go with that.) Fathers and Mothers who are husbands and wives first and foremost. Most importantly I envision family's that are centered around Jesus, anchored to what He's called them to do. That's beautiful.

And guess what....

It starts with o.n.e.

It starts with y.o.u.

Gospel Choirs and Mallow Squeeze

(written Friday)

So... here's the deal. I've tried to sit and write ya'll three times in the last two days, and nothing has come out of that. I will not claim writers block since there's power in my words but I will say my wittiness and charm are running a little slow lately, because well that's the honest truth.

I guess the best thing that makes for a good read is straight up authenticity, so here it is.

Sometimes I get lost in the busyness here. In those times all I think about is the task at hand, and I love it. I really do. But every night in the few hours I have to myself I think of ya'll. I've busted out the Christmas coffee house DVD twice already. If Khristen or Marc read this...you guys are so stankin' talented. Certain songs make me miss home too. If you want honesty, it's hard the first few months you're this far away from home. I underestimated the degree to which it would effect me. I truly thought the homesick blues would skip right over me, but apparently they haven't. So yes, the point to this...just know I miss you and I think of you often.

Ok now that that's out of the way let me tell you this. I love worship. More so, I love spontaneous worship. I got to do some of that last night. It was great. I also joined the choir here. It ain't nothing like home. Never before have I one: been a soprano or two: sung so gospely. so. many. runs. Hot tea is my best friend. Ok that's a lie, sweets are probably my best friend.

Working in the food ministry I have way too many opportunity's to eat. All the manual labor we do almost balances it out though. All I need is cardio and I'm good to go. Oh gosh.. I miss crossfit. Some of the girls do workout videos but that just ain't the same. I can't bring myself to do it. It's also way to cold for basketball. I don't really know what the point is of me telling you this. Just wanted to be detailed of my experience here I guess. :)

Tonight was the volunteer banquet. We had senators and congressman and all sorts of other distinguished guest come out to give thanks to all the wonderful volunteers that serve at the Dream Center in some capacity. It was a fun night. I got to wait tables and dance on stage like a fool before handing out prizes to some lucky winners. I may or may not have ice on my ankle currently from an accident that happened while leaving backstage.

After all was said and done....we went to froyo. Mmmm, froyo. I love cake batter froyo with strawberries, cookie dough, hot fudge and mallow squeezed on top. So good. Ya know what else is good? Fitz's root beer! If you saw the picture of the float I posted then there'd be no arguing that they're the best. There is definitely some good eatin' in the city.

..........................................................................................................

Two days later I am now getting around to finishing this thing. Really it's just rambling but I figured it's best ya'll know. I sang in the choir today. It ain't Hillsong no more. I also ran the food pantry with one of the other girls. We almost didn't make it back in time to sing again. Today's a peaceful day. Filled with movies and alone time. It's wonderful.

Welp that's all I got for now...maybe...probably not. but I've prolonged posting this for too long so...

here ya go :)

Updates and Whatsnot.

   .....So, where do I begin?

 

   We've had no wifi which is why I've been so distant, please accept my apologies. I've been journaling so I could remember every little detail that I may want to put in this thing...also it's a good practice to put into habit.

 

   I may just use this post as a moment to sit back and tell ya'll a few different little stories instead of painting a grand picture of what my times been like so far. My hands hurt from the weather so the less typing the better.

 

   I'll start with my story from ECD (early childhood development....church.) last Sunday. It was my Sunday department...now it's not. I was moved to the pantry but that's a whole different story.

I had three little boogers. Okay really only two boogers and one sweetheart. One of the little girl boogers sat in my lap. She has taken quiet the attachment to me. I could tell because anytime I left her side she would cry out for me.

 

   ..... Hold up, I feel a Jesus correlation....

God never, ever, ever leaves my side....but if by some chance I'm not walking with Him and I know that He's the source of my love, all I have to do is cry out for Him. And just like it happened with my little girl booger, He'll swoop in and carry me, and my hold my hand, and guide me. That's my Savior.

 

   So with the little girl in my lap, well I held her a little closer than I normally would with other peoples children....because in that moment God showed me a picture of what was waiting for her once she left the Dream Center. It's not that her family is terrible, her mom is such a sweet lady and serves within the church. It is, however, that when you live in the inner-city you can only shelter your children but so much. The sirens, shots going off, cursing, fighting, a principality is over St. Louis. A glance of all that is what I saw while she was sitting in my lap watching a zoo movie...sucking her thumb, and playing with my ear.

 

One more ECD story....

 

Standing before me was the sweetheart booger just a little boy but all dressed up like a grown man. Looking sharp in his dress slacks and button up. But when I looked at him I saw what this society generally makes of young men like him. I pictured the guy's I see walking down the street or what not. I think I pictured this because he was quiet and composed and sat patiently while he watched the other two girl boogers hold my attention and affection. It didn't take long to break him though. I motioned for him to come sit by us, and he did, but he pulled his chair to me as close as it could get and latched on to hug my side. My heart swooned because eventually I want to adopt a little boy just like him. He held my hand and had tickle fights, and the child in him came forth once more.

 

IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

IT MAKES EVERYTHING WORTH IT.

 

 

Ok actually, I'm tired of telling stories. I'll post hopefully again tomorrow...or soon, with more of what's been going on. I miss home and all ya'll there but God's doing some huge things in me here. I can't wait to see how my time unfolds here and what will come out of this.

 

hope ya'll enjoyed this one...keep an eye out for the next :)

 

XOXO.

 

Abundant Blessings and Unexpected Expenses

Friends,

 I do apologize for not blogging in over a month. Life's been crazy with work, the holidays, and preparing for STL. I'm not sure how I want to update ya'll, so I'll just dive right in.

I'm blessed. In many different ways but especially by the relationships I've been granted. I'd like to give a shout out to the woman who knew I was in need of clothes for cold weather and took me shopping to get them.

Did I mention she got me boots too?

Yeah, abundantly blessed.

Then today I realized I forgot I needed to get my Hep A shot still. They're mad expensive. Unexpected expenses stink. Even more so when you were planning on buying a coat with the money you now have to spend on the shot.

Speaking of money...still short on tuition by $475. Boo.

No worries here though, somehow someway my God's going to provide. He ALWAYS provides what I need. I'm His child, He won't leave me lacking.

(Wanna support what God's doing in this season of my life? Let me know. It would be much appreciated and a HUGE blessing!)

Welp let's see...what else can I tell ya'll....

I started packing today. The thing with moving by airplane and shipping your stuff behind you is you need to be really strategic with what you pack in your carry on.

I have it down to a science so I can fit the maximum amount of things in the smallest amount of space. After all I have to live off that stuff until the rest of my stuff arrives.

Anyways, I'm sure I have more to share but I'm really tired. 6 a.m. shifts make for calling it an early night. Sorry this post wasn't more funny- I have no funny stories. I know....sad. Where's the humor!?
OK now I'm just delirious...and I need some time with Jesus before I sleep.

In my closing, I'm going to miss living in the south. I realized that while listening to the radio. The song southern comfort zone may now be the anthem to this move. so yeah. that's the thought I'm leaving you with.

Goodnight all!

Charlie Brown and Apple Pie

I have two things. None of which are super deep. Enjoy.

Today at work..there was a brief moment where I lost my mind for a second.  It was in my first 10 minutes there (like 7 in the morning). I was on front line...people saw.

They called me cute.
I think it was my smile...or grin. Whatever, I have a dimple that's all that matters.


Wanna know something? I secretly like being called cute...because well I think I'm adorable...and people don't notice my adorableness often. They did. It made me smile.


Thing two.... as I was standing in the kitchen staring at whatever slop was on my plate (turkey fettuccine alfredo? no thank you.)

Omi: Are you just standing in there?
Me: Yeah I can't decided if I want to eat this or not.
Omi: Well come in here, watch this (Charlie Bown) with me...
Me: Oh no thanks I don't really like Charlie Brown
Omi: WHAT?! You don't like Charlie Brown? You're unAmerican!
Me: Nuh huh I like apple pie and politics...

Gotcha...you cant deny my Americaness after I throw in apple pie and politics. I win.

Anyways, I told you...nothing deep. I did promise myself I'd try to write a little everyday though. I don't want to go stale again.

Speaking of stale..I just tried to sketch something out...yeah that's stale...like month old bread stale.(stale still sound like a word to you?)
If you saw it you'd probably think otherwise but I like beautiful things not..well..whatever that turned out as.

Oh and I spent forever trying to upload an album to facebook today of pictures from way a long time ago...it stunk. Made me miss my LC family though. As soon as I finished the album...I lost wifi...boo. Hoping to post it tomorrow.

Welp, that's it...that's all I got for now.

Oh wait no that's not all I got...

Remember how in my last post I said I felt jipped on work hours this week but Gods providing? I got 7 hours again today instead of my scheduled 4..and last night at connect group someone blessed me with more money than I deserved...on purpose. I like people like that.

Ok... nooooow I'm done.

My Life Lately

Sheeeew,

A lot of ya'll have been asking what I'm up to these days since I'm not in the Leadership College and all....and by a lot I mean like 10. But 10 is enough for me to want to blog my day, so here it is :)

I have a job. I work at a local fast food joint. I'll keep which one private just in case some creeper see's this...but if you really listen closely to how I describe my day I promise you would probably be able to guess if you're from JoCo.

This day in particular I got up at 6:15. It feels like high school all over again. I'm on this crazy whack sleep schedule so I may have gotten like maybe 5 hours of sleep...at best. Needless to say I was in a pretty crumby daze when we left the house.

Luckily for me, in the car I was greeted with the most spectacular sunrise. On a side note, my spotify thinks I really want to listen to Bob Marley..I don't. Anyways, this sunrise words can't describe. I found myself looking at it thinking, "look how great our Creator is!" I wanted to share with dad how beautiful I thought it looked but he doesn't get excited about much so I kept my mouth shut. Then he says, "wow look how pretty that is"....yeah that should tell you something.

I get to work and clock in. My numbers 62. Grab a jacket for drive thru, put on my hair net (yeah I wear hairnets...its the new craze, ya dig?) and my hat...oh and my headset for drive thru. Then it's welcome to...insert restaurant name...may I take your order. Unless they move me which today they did.

I'm glad I wasn't technically packing food...last time I packed food for drive thru I burnt the mess out of my arm...that's not fun.

Today I worked what they called the coordinator. I gave people their food and made drinks. Would you like any honey mustard, BBQ, or ranch to go with your meal? I say that... a ton. What's great is that I like front line. I get to smile at 8 bajillion people because well it's the most popular fast food restaurant around. I also like telling people to have great days.

Oooo I can tell you fun customer stories.

I saw a woman put hot sauce in her Pepsi today.....gross. At first I thought it was tea she was putting hot sauce into. In my head I made the joke ohh I guess that's a new kind of hot tea. ha.

I get winked at all the time, I find it slightly creepy. It's always older men. One guy I let slide though because he had his Bible in arm ready for some time in the Word with his sweet tea...yeah I like that guy.

I got called baby and doll. Seriously though, these older men around here are wild. I guess it's a southern thing.

Today, I was granted extra hours because another Rachel was taken off schedule...hooray! I felt jipped on hours this week and Gods providing. I worked 7 hours in total.

By the end of my shift I was doing everything. Packing food, restocking cups and ice, cleaning sanitizer water...this job has made me a boss at multitasking.

2 o'clock came around and I clocked out and grabbed my sweatshirt...which someone got something wet on...boooo. I walked outside to not find my ride waiting patiently for me. I waited....and waited....waited some more. Never showed up. So like any teenage girl who left her phone at home that day...I started the ehh I'd say 5 mile walk home. Alone.

Luckily I only made it about half a mile down the road before I saw my ride.

So yeah here I am sitting at home rocking an old Harley Davidson T-shirt....my dads. We're dog sitting my aunts dogs for the next couple of weeks. Princess wanted to come cuddle with me but she took one whiff and I realized I stink....she opted for my feet instead.

I have childcare for a connect group in just a few hours...hopefully I'll get the babies! I love babies...they're way to adorable.

That's may day. Lots of work...bringing in that money. Just kidding. Bringing it in and keeping it in until I get the opportunity to put all this work and effort towards what Gods called me to do.

....He's wonderful by the way.

Oh one last interesting part to my day. I realized fast food is a stressful job within my first couple hours there. I get frustrated sometimes so here's a quirk I have. In order to remind myself why I'm putting myself through all this I wanted something on my person while working that would remind me of Saint Louis. I had nothing. The only thing I brought back was a hoodie I bought at the airport because I lost mine. Until I remembered one of the DC girls gave me chapstick because my lips where killing me while I was there.

Long story short, I keep that chapstick in my back pocket.... whenever times get hard. I wipe my hand on my back pocket....because that's not awkward at all. Then all is well again.


So, that's what I'm up to. Oh and I'll probably play guitar later...or basketball. They're my outlets lately.

Grandad's Are Something To Be Cherished

Ever since I moved back in my grandparents’ house a few weeks ago I have found myself more intrigued by my grandfather. You see he doesn’t get out of bed often (he’s sick…really sick) and when I first moved in my grandmother and dad where in Maryland visiting family. I took care of him for a few days (cooked, catered to, and all those other things) making me realize I’m absolutely not ready to run a household…that junks hard. But it also reminded me that my family wouldn’t exist…I wouldn’t be here… if it hadn’t been for him.

I view my grandfather differently now... I view a lot differently now. I guess I’m growing up.  I call him Papa; always have ever since I was a little girl. When I was young he’d take me to baseball games with some of my other cousins. He got free tickets because he ushered for the Orioles.  I don’t remember them much.  Except Tejada I could probably tell you everything about Tejada…and Sosa…and Ripken Jr. Yeah I certainly remember how much my papa loves Cal Ripken Jr. In Maryland his office had a signed picture/article/plaque thing above the work desk. My Papa has more baseball memorabilia than any one man needs.  When I first moved in my room was filled with it all. Boxes upon boxes upon boxes of baseball cards all neatly organized into albums. I’m told he has some that are actually worth something. Let’s not forget the signed baseballs or hats or bobble heads or shirts or jackets or…yeah you get the point. He’s a fan. Did I mention his name is James…but everyone calls him Buddy. That just sounds like a baseball fans name if you ask me.

He has an obsession with wars. He can tell you anything about history. That’s probably where I get my love for it from. Call me a geek, it’s cool. I like learning about years past. It’s kind of funny because a lot of what he watches is World War Two stuff… my grandma gets annoyed sometimes. You’ll figure out why later. I like watching movies with him about World War Two. We watched Band of Brothers the other day…such a sad movie. The Holocaust gets me every time…I’m a crier I’ll admit. Fun story- growing up you couldn’t get me to read a book unless it was about World War Two and the Holocaust. My favorite? Number the stars and Lily’s crossing. I was a strange child.

From what my grandma…I call her Omi, its German…she’s German (understand why World War Two movies annoy her?)…anyways. From what my Omi tells me Papa wanted to join the war during Vietnam but she wouldn’t let him because she was pregnant with my father. He ended up going to Maryland University and working full time to support his family. That’s a man. I don’t think he loved Jesus though. Real men love Jesus. His daddy did.

My great-grandfather, John Bigbee, I get compared to all the time because of our common love of Jesus and worship leading. He went to Israel and recorded a record…yeah that old. He has another record. I think I have a copy of it somewhere. He also performed at Carnegie Hall one time. His form of worship leading is nothing like what I do though. Interesting how we do the same thing just in different era’s and it looks completely different. I wish I could have met that man.

Anyways back on topic…my Papa I guess I’m intrigued by him because I realize his time here with us is winding down. Obviously now is the time, if I want to remember him at all, to create some sort of bond with him. So tonight I watched a show with him on MLB network. It talked about ballparks and how they play a role in the actual playing of baseball. Have you heard of the marine layer theory? I hadn’t. Makes since though, the air on the west coast is thicker due to the ocean I think...let’s go with that. So the distance the ball travels in the parks on the west coast is shorter since the air’s thicker. Pitchers like pitching there. On the other hand Coors Field has the thinnest air so it has season after season been the field with the most home runs hit. In 2002 they started keeping balls in a humidifier so they wouldn’t shrink during play time. Yeah, weird.  Betcha just learned something.

That was my bonding moment with Papa tonight.

I thought you should know that Grandad’s are something to be cherished.