Charlie Brown and Apple Pie

I have two things. None of which are super deep. Enjoy.

Today at work..there was a brief moment where I lost my mind for a second.  It was in my first 10 minutes there (like 7 in the morning). I was on front line...people saw.

They called me cute.
I think it was my smile...or grin. Whatever, I have a dimple that's all that matters.


Wanna know something? I secretly like being called cute...because well I think I'm adorable...and people don't notice my adorableness often. They did. It made me smile.


Thing two.... as I was standing in the kitchen staring at whatever slop was on my plate (turkey fettuccine alfredo? no thank you.)

Omi: Are you just standing in there?
Me: Yeah I can't decided if I want to eat this or not.
Omi: Well come in here, watch this (Charlie Bown) with me...
Me: Oh no thanks I don't really like Charlie Brown
Omi: WHAT?! You don't like Charlie Brown? You're unAmerican!
Me: Nuh huh I like apple pie and politics...

Gotcha...you cant deny my Americaness after I throw in apple pie and politics. I win.

Anyways, I told you...nothing deep. I did promise myself I'd try to write a little everyday though. I don't want to go stale again.

Speaking of stale..I just tried to sketch something out...yeah that's stale...like month old bread stale.(stale still sound like a word to you?)
If you saw it you'd probably think otherwise but I like beautiful things not..well..whatever that turned out as.

Oh and I spent forever trying to upload an album to facebook today of pictures from way a long time ago...it stunk. Made me miss my LC family though. As soon as I finished the album...I lost wifi...boo. Hoping to post it tomorrow.

Welp, that's it...that's all I got for now.

Oh wait no that's not all I got...

Remember how in my last post I said I felt jipped on work hours this week but Gods providing? I got 7 hours again today instead of my scheduled 4..and last night at connect group someone blessed me with more money than I deserved...on purpose. I like people like that.

Ok... nooooow I'm done.

My Life Lately

Sheeeew,

A lot of ya'll have been asking what I'm up to these days since I'm not in the Leadership College and all....and by a lot I mean like 10. But 10 is enough for me to want to blog my day, so here it is :)

I have a job. I work at a local fast food joint. I'll keep which one private just in case some creeper see's this...but if you really listen closely to how I describe my day I promise you would probably be able to guess if you're from JoCo.

This day in particular I got up at 6:15. It feels like high school all over again. I'm on this crazy whack sleep schedule so I may have gotten like maybe 5 hours of sleep...at best. Needless to say I was in a pretty crumby daze when we left the house.

Luckily for me, in the car I was greeted with the most spectacular sunrise. On a side note, my spotify thinks I really want to listen to Bob Marley..I don't. Anyways, this sunrise words can't describe. I found myself looking at it thinking, "look how great our Creator is!" I wanted to share with dad how beautiful I thought it looked but he doesn't get excited about much so I kept my mouth shut. Then he says, "wow look how pretty that is"....yeah that should tell you something.

I get to work and clock in. My numbers 62. Grab a jacket for drive thru, put on my hair net (yeah I wear hairnets...its the new craze, ya dig?) and my hat...oh and my headset for drive thru. Then it's welcome to...insert restaurant name...may I take your order. Unless they move me which today they did.

I'm glad I wasn't technically packing food...last time I packed food for drive thru I burnt the mess out of my arm...that's not fun.

Today I worked what they called the coordinator. I gave people their food and made drinks. Would you like any honey mustard, BBQ, or ranch to go with your meal? I say that... a ton. What's great is that I like front line. I get to smile at 8 bajillion people because well it's the most popular fast food restaurant around. I also like telling people to have great days.

Oooo I can tell you fun customer stories.

I saw a woman put hot sauce in her Pepsi today.....gross. At first I thought it was tea she was putting hot sauce into. In my head I made the joke ohh I guess that's a new kind of hot tea. ha.

I get winked at all the time, I find it slightly creepy. It's always older men. One guy I let slide though because he had his Bible in arm ready for some time in the Word with his sweet tea...yeah I like that guy.

I got called baby and doll. Seriously though, these older men around here are wild. I guess it's a southern thing.

Today, I was granted extra hours because another Rachel was taken off schedule...hooray! I felt jipped on hours this week and Gods providing. I worked 7 hours in total.

By the end of my shift I was doing everything. Packing food, restocking cups and ice, cleaning sanitizer water...this job has made me a boss at multitasking.

2 o'clock came around and I clocked out and grabbed my sweatshirt...which someone got something wet on...boooo. I walked outside to not find my ride waiting patiently for me. I waited....and waited....waited some more. Never showed up. So like any teenage girl who left her phone at home that day...I started the ehh I'd say 5 mile walk home. Alone.

Luckily I only made it about half a mile down the road before I saw my ride.

So yeah here I am sitting at home rocking an old Harley Davidson T-shirt....my dads. We're dog sitting my aunts dogs for the next couple of weeks. Princess wanted to come cuddle with me but she took one whiff and I realized I stink....she opted for my feet instead.

I have childcare for a connect group in just a few hours...hopefully I'll get the babies! I love babies...they're way to adorable.

That's may day. Lots of work...bringing in that money. Just kidding. Bringing it in and keeping it in until I get the opportunity to put all this work and effort towards what Gods called me to do.

....He's wonderful by the way.

Oh one last interesting part to my day. I realized fast food is a stressful job within my first couple hours there. I get frustrated sometimes so here's a quirk I have. In order to remind myself why I'm putting myself through all this I wanted something on my person while working that would remind me of Saint Louis. I had nothing. The only thing I brought back was a hoodie I bought at the airport because I lost mine. Until I remembered one of the DC girls gave me chapstick because my lips where killing me while I was there.

Long story short, I keep that chapstick in my back pocket.... whenever times get hard. I wipe my hand on my back pocket....because that's not awkward at all. Then all is well again.


So, that's what I'm up to. Oh and I'll probably play guitar later...or basketball. They're my outlets lately.

Grandad's Are Something To Be Cherished

Ever since I moved back in my grandparents’ house a few weeks ago I have found myself more intrigued by my grandfather. You see he doesn’t get out of bed often (he’s sick…really sick) and when I first moved in my grandmother and dad where in Maryland visiting family. I took care of him for a few days (cooked, catered to, and all those other things) making me realize I’m absolutely not ready to run a household…that junks hard. But it also reminded me that my family wouldn’t exist…I wouldn’t be here… if it hadn’t been for him.

I view my grandfather differently now... I view a lot differently now. I guess I’m growing up.  I call him Papa; always have ever since I was a little girl. When I was young he’d take me to baseball games with some of my other cousins. He got free tickets because he ushered for the Orioles.  I don’t remember them much.  Except Tejada I could probably tell you everything about Tejada…and Sosa…and Ripken Jr. Yeah I certainly remember how much my papa loves Cal Ripken Jr. In Maryland his office had a signed picture/article/plaque thing above the work desk. My Papa has more baseball memorabilia than any one man needs.  When I first moved in my room was filled with it all. Boxes upon boxes upon boxes of baseball cards all neatly organized into albums. I’m told he has some that are actually worth something. Let’s not forget the signed baseballs or hats or bobble heads or shirts or jackets or…yeah you get the point. He’s a fan. Did I mention his name is James…but everyone calls him Buddy. That just sounds like a baseball fans name if you ask me.

He has an obsession with wars. He can tell you anything about history. That’s probably where I get my love for it from. Call me a geek, it’s cool. I like learning about years past. It’s kind of funny because a lot of what he watches is World War Two stuff… my grandma gets annoyed sometimes. You’ll figure out why later. I like watching movies with him about World War Two. We watched Band of Brothers the other day…such a sad movie. The Holocaust gets me every time…I’m a crier I’ll admit. Fun story- growing up you couldn’t get me to read a book unless it was about World War Two and the Holocaust. My favorite? Number the stars and Lily’s crossing. I was a strange child.

From what my grandma…I call her Omi, its German…she’s German (understand why World War Two movies annoy her?)…anyways. From what my Omi tells me Papa wanted to join the war during Vietnam but she wouldn’t let him because she was pregnant with my father. He ended up going to Maryland University and working full time to support his family. That’s a man. I don’t think he loved Jesus though. Real men love Jesus. His daddy did.

My great-grandfather, John Bigbee, I get compared to all the time because of our common love of Jesus and worship leading. He went to Israel and recorded a record…yeah that old. He has another record. I think I have a copy of it somewhere. He also performed at Carnegie Hall one time. His form of worship leading is nothing like what I do though. Interesting how we do the same thing just in different era’s and it looks completely different. I wish I could have met that man.

Anyways back on topic…my Papa I guess I’m intrigued by him because I realize his time here with us is winding down. Obviously now is the time, if I want to remember him at all, to create some sort of bond with him. So tonight I watched a show with him on MLB network. It talked about ballparks and how they play a role in the actual playing of baseball. Have you heard of the marine layer theory? I hadn’t. Makes since though, the air on the west coast is thicker due to the ocean I think...let’s go with that. So the distance the ball travels in the parks on the west coast is shorter since the air’s thicker. Pitchers like pitching there. On the other hand Coors Field has the thinnest air so it has season after season been the field with the most home runs hit. In 2002 they started keeping balls in a humidifier so they wouldn’t shrink during play time. Yeah, weird.  Betcha just learned something.

That was my bonding moment with Papa tonight.

I thought you should know that Grandad’s are something to be cherished.

Pain in the Butt

  I was shooting around in the driveway the other day when this instance came to mind....

While at my first day of work I mentioned to my manager that I knew the girl who was training me because we played basketball in highschool together. I had joked about how much her and another girl really didn't like me...she spoke up...her reason?

I was a pain in the butt.

Woah talk about humbling. I can't tell you the last time I've been called that. It reminded me of where Gods brought me from. Unless someone has seen me when I get whinny...because well it happens..I dont think anyone would call me a pain in the butt anymore. My intentions are pure for the most part these days...Its part of what following Christ has given me. Yeah just a random thought.

 

  Sometimes out of nowhere you can be reminded of who you were and who you are.

It's a Beautiful Picture, It Really Is

   There have been so many words on my heart today. After filtering through what could be edited out this is what I've come down to...
    My last day in the Leadership College Robert Barriger from Camino de Vida church in Peru came and led a seminar on world missions. It was for class credit but obviously since that would be my last day I didn't need the credit. I do believe, however, I didn't sit though that seminar for nothing. Pastor Robert explained what he believes to be the difference between a burden and a calling. How appropriate! After all, I had just decided to step away from my already guaranteed degree to pursue something I felt my Father wanted me to do.
    To figure out if you're experiencing a burden or calling you need to do one thing...go. You won't know if you're meant to be somewhere if you never go and experience it for yourself. Also appropriate because I had literally just gotten back from encounter weekend at the STL dream center just a few days before. Pastor Robert goes on to say if when you get back and have meditated on the experience you feel a weight on your heart but are so glad that there are others there doing the work...that's a burden. You are willing to give and sacrifice just as long as you aren't the one having to devote your all to the place or cause. The beginning of a calling, on the other hand, is when you come back and all you can think and talk about is the people. Not complaining of the surroundings or the food but being over joyed by the hearts that where impacted while you where there. Pastor Robert said a lot of other great things as well and maybe I'll put those in another post some other day but for now I want to tell you of the people that are the reason I'm called. The ones who I can't get out of my mind...even if I really wanted to.
   I'll start with Penny, a woman I met during street. Some of the wonderful Dream Center girls and myself had gone to Delmar loop, which takes a different kind of evangelistic approach...really its a lot like what we would do here in Clayton. Bless someone (our choice method was a Starbucks gift card)...open the door to talk about Jesus. There where three and I was given the last one to hand out. While walking down the street I had fallen behind the other four girls because I was focused on praying in spirit that God would open my eyes to who needed to know He loved them most. It took some time. In fact, we must have walked up and down the street three times before I found her, before I found Penny. We walked by this food place, I don't know I guess it could've been like a Jimmy Johns or something, I really have no clue. Immediately I knew it was her who needed it. I was so excited that I left behind the girl who was supposed to go with me (never do street alone...rule one). As I approached Penny she was sitting at a table in the corner by herself with a ton of papers in front of her. I really had no clue what to expect but I had no fear. Nothing was going through my mind except that I needed to communicate His unending love to her. I approached her and greeted her. I told her I felt like God was telling me to bless her with the card then I asked if we could pray for her. That was all it took. Penny ended up talking our ears off. I could tell you her whole life story if I had to it seems. Luckily my dream center partner helped close the conversation as we had a curfew to make. It wasn't until after really analyzing the whole situation that I realized the impact it made on me. At first I had written it off because of the experience I had the first time I went on street with the guy I'll tell you about later in the post. Penny did leave a mark on me though. I can't really explain how...maybe it's that I should talk less and listen more, hurting people have a lot to say. I just know that scene of standing there and talking to her replays through my head all the time. It's wonderful really, when there's no fear to approach someone with the means of talking about the Savior that rescued you. 
      Then there's Antoine. This guy is really something else. I met him during adopt-a-block the Saturday I went back to STL by myself. I went out with another great group of dream center students to knock on doors and connect with the people who live on the blocks located around the dream center. Really I just ended up picking up trash but hey I don't mind. If that's what it takes...sign me up. We were wrapping up our day when this SUV that's driving by starts honking its horn... I can tell you that going through all of our minds was Oh goodness...whats about to go down? We all turn to look at this guy(Antoine) getting out of his car; red shorts, white shirt. As he approached he engages us asking if we're from the dream center. One of the ladies from the dream center responded and entered into a conversation with Antoine. I sat back and watched the whole conversation unfold. A lot was said but the thing that I keep thinking about is how he thanked us (or technically them) for the consistency the dream center shows on those blocks. Consistency is beautiful. Consistency is necessary if you want to see a real change. Consistency in serving is something I want to be apart of. I keep telling everybody how in awe I was of this young guy purposely stopping us just to say they're doing a good job...in the middle of the hood. You can't tell me that the dream center isn't making an impact because I've seen it first hand. Antoine is another story that I could paint you a vivid picture of because it's still so fresh in my mind.  
   I saved my favorite for last; Rob, a man that’s homeless that I met during my first street ever. That experience is going to be a hard one to live up to, mainly because I'm passionate about individuals that are homeless. That night played out like this. It was the first time our particular Leadership college group had done street ministry together. I had never done it before and was completely nervous. A part of me felt like I wasn't strong enough in my faith to lead someone else into it. The beginning of the night went alright. The person I was paired up with took the lead on all the conversations...which kind of bummed me out BUT the last conversation of the night was worth it. After the group, minus myself and Kaitlyn, had led a few guys to Christ during a restroom pit stop we headed over to the local homeless shelter…a.k.a my comfort zone. I’ve never been afraid on individuals that are homeless…even though I’m told I should be. So we went and my partner and I tried speaking to this man but his vernacular was so disheveled that we couldn’t understand a thing he was saying, We leaned in trying to listen harder but nothing was making sense, except when we asked if we could pray for him he clearly said no. So we moved on and caught up with the rest of our team who had finished talking to their people. We all gathered and prayed a brief prayer for the man who wouldn’t let us pray for him. But then there was nobody left to talk to. We’re surrounded by people but everyone had already been approached about Jesus that night. We only had like 10 minutes left until we we’re supposed to leave to go back to the dream center, so here’s what I did. The entire night I felt a little uneasy, kind of like I was pushing my faith on people. There’s that saying that people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. I really care for people who have to sleep outside at night. I can’t explain why, it’s just a natural attraction I have towards them.  So I approached this man (Rob) with no desire other than to let him know somebody does care. I had no intention of talking about Jesus…he had already heard all of that… sometimes people just want to feel that connection with another person.  I greeted him , told him my name, and offered him a chewy bar. I noticed he wasn’t looking at me but ahead towards the hustle and bustle of the streets. So I asked him if that’s what he does all night…it is. I asked him if he sleeps…he doesn’t.  Just in case you’re wondering, he didn’t seem to be on any substances or have any particular mental illness that would be the cause of his homeless. He seemed pretty normal and responded very well to all I was asking him. I told him about the project I did on homelessness in Raleigh, he thought that was cool. I asked him how far he has to walk to get from place to place. Keep in mind for people in Raleigh its 5-10 a day. His answer was 8-14. Having to walk 14 miles a day is crazy. He let me pick up his bag to feel how heavy it is. It’s heavy. He carries that bag all of his days walking, watching, walking, watching. That’s his life. So I asked him if he didn’t mind me asking why in the world is he homeless.  If you know anything about homelessness the three main causes are substance abuse, mental illness, and unemployment, his was the latter. He told me he has a trade and that he’s trying to find work but not being able to because when he goes into an interview he’s labeled as homeless and written off. I shared with him how homelessness should never be what defines him. Christ died for him just as much as He died for me. He’s equal not less. With that our conversation had to come to an abrupt end. Our lovely dream center guide had been shouting the code word for us to get back to the van… I didn’t hear it until the end of what I was telling Rob. I gave him another chewy bar ( I liked him too much not to give him my last one) and left.  If I’ve ever shared anything about my senior project with you then you would know that I’ve been praying for a candid conversation like that to take place since the day I started my project over a year before. I never got it in the timing that I thought I needed but I received it in His timing. How beautiful things are when they’re Gods timing and not your own! So Rob might just be my favorite person on the planet…but he’ll never know that. He is what sparked that first feeling of a call within my heart. If I could thank him, I would thank him a thousand times.
  These are just a few stories that where the beginning of my calling. These are the stories that I tell people over and over again and I’m just as excited as I was the first time I told it. One of my favorite things that Pastor Robert said during the seminar was:

The Bible doesn’t say for God so loved the world that He sent a text or an email…it says that for He so loved the world that He sent a physical person to rescue it.

   I can’t save these people but I can lead them to the one who can. Jesus came to this Earth a missionary. He left His Father in Heaven to come here to a place less perfect in order to give us a home again. It’s a beautiful picture, it really is.

 

Called to Expect the Unexpected

  
   Its been over a year since I blogged last...mainly because life has been so hectic. I feel like I'm entering into a season of life where a blog is a must, though. So here I am trying my best to get the stagnant creative juices flowing. Not that this post will exactly classify as creative. I've tried to sit down and write this post four or five times now but I can't ever  seem to find the right concoction of words to sum up exactly what I want to say.  I've decided to start small, without telling you guys too much back story because that would be one LONG post. Today in particular here's what I have to say...


   I woke up this morning at 6:15 to go to ...work. When did this become my life? Good golly I feel like just yesterday I was running around with paint on my face and singing at the top of my lungs...oh wait, that was yesterday. Moral of the story, this whole secular job thing is new to me. Its also difficult for me. Today was actually incredibly difficult for me. After all it was only my second shift and I was running drive-thru...talk about learning from experience, just get thrown in there and see how you do. I did well, I think...for the most part, but it still really stressed me out (and I get to do it bright and early again tomorrow). For a split second I found myself wondering if all this was pointless. I found myself doubting the calling because the waiting period to get there/ the working period to earn everything I need to be there is completely and utterly outside of my comfort zone, outside of anything I've ever done before. It's a stretch and it's hard. I thought I'd gone through some hard things to follow His will for me before but looking back that all looks so easy. Granted some of it's the same, like guarding my heart towards the nonbelievers of the dream. It's crazy how many people will think you're nuts when you're just trying to follow God. Anyways, I'm having a rough day and I come home (to an incredibly messy and not unpacked room) and just want to go back to bed but I couldn't. Probably had something to do with the mountain dew I drank...but that's a different story. I was laying in bed thinking, praying, wishing upon an imaginary shooting star that someone for some reason would feel led to donate $1,750 to the Rachel-Bigbee-Wants-To-Follow-Jesus fund because I didn't want to work anymore. I wanted to give up, throw in the towel, call it done. BUT then I looked up and over towards my desk area where overhead my mirror hangs and I saw something that I put on there for a reason. See I knew (because I know me well) that this wasn't going to be easy and I was going to need to be reminded constantly as to why I'm doing what I'm doing. You see my mirror very clearly states this, ' YOU ARE CALLED'. God has fit every piece of this puzzle together so far and as soon as it got hard well I wanted to go back to what was easy and comfortable but I've come to far to go back. Then, as if I needed more conformation, I informed a family member, of whom I thought would be skeptical, about the plans for the future...and they weren't skeptical, in fact it was the complete opposite. They're my first financial supporter, and I didn't even ask.

   In closing to whatever this post has ended up turning out as..(probably just rambling),  there's a passion in my heart and a calling on my life to get back to the Saint Louis Dream Center as a full time thing...as in relocate, to Missouri..say what? Yeah, 13 and a half hours away, Missouri. Expect the unexpected. I love it there, and I'm doing whatever it takes, even if I completely dislike it, to get back there. The best thing about this whole experience is that every time I've truly explained my heart in an in depth conversation people look at me with amazement or they say they're proud of me, but then I get to look back at them and say yes this may be radical but it's God. At the end of my days I want to have done more than I said and be known for my radical obedience to God.

(On a foreal note though, I am accepting financial supporters for this and will be writing support letters soon! Even if I work everyday I won't be able to come up with enough money in time. I can't do this and fulfill this vision without you!)

 

'I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.' Philippians 3:14