Its been over a year since I blogged last...mainly because life has been so hectic. I feel like I'm entering into a season of life where a blog is a must, though. So here I am trying my best to get the stagnant creative juices flowing. Not that this post will exactly classify as creative. I've tried to sit down and write this post four or five times now but I can't ever seem to find the right concoction of words to sum up exactly what I want to say. I've decided to start small, without telling you guys too much back story because that would be one LONG post. Today in particular here's what I have to say...
I woke up this morning at 6:15 to go to ...work. When did this become my life? Good golly I feel like just yesterday I was running around with paint on my face and singing at the top of my lungs...oh wait, that was yesterday. Moral of the story, this whole secular job thing is new to me. Its also difficult for me. Today was actually incredibly difficult for me. After all it was only my second shift and I was running drive-thru...talk about learning from experience, just get thrown in there and see how you do. I did well, I think...for the most part, but it still really stressed me out (and I get to do it bright and early again tomorrow). For a split second I found myself wondering if all this was pointless. I found myself doubting the calling because the waiting period to get there/ the working period to earn everything I need to be there is completely and utterly outside of my comfort zone, outside of anything I've ever done before. It's a stretch and it's hard. I thought I'd gone through some hard things to follow His will for me before but looking back that all looks so easy. Granted some of it's the same, like guarding my heart towards the nonbelievers of the dream. It's crazy how many people will think you're nuts when you're just trying to follow God. Anyways, I'm having a rough day and I come home (to an incredibly messy and not unpacked room) and just want to go back to bed but I couldn't. Probably had something to do with the mountain dew I drank...but that's a different story. I was laying in bed thinking, praying, wishing upon an imaginary shooting star that someone for some reason would feel led to donate $1,750 to the Rachel-Bigbee-Wants-To-Follow-Jesus fund because I didn't want to work anymore. I wanted to give up, throw in the towel, call it done. BUT then I looked up and over towards my desk area where overhead my mirror hangs and I saw something that I put on there for a reason. See I knew (because I know me well) that this wasn't going to be easy and I was going to need to be reminded constantly as to why I'm doing what I'm doing. You see my mirror very clearly states this, ' YOU ARE CALLED'. God has fit every piece of this puzzle together so far and as soon as it got hard well I wanted to go back to what was easy and comfortable but I've come to far to go back. Then, as if I needed more conformation, I informed a family member, of whom I thought would be skeptical, about the plans for the future...and they weren't skeptical, in fact it was the complete opposite. They're my first financial supporter, and I didn't even ask.
In closing to whatever this post has ended up turning out as..(probably just rambling), there's a passion in my heart and a calling on my life to get back to the Saint Louis Dream Center as a full time thing...as in relocate, to Missouri..say what? Yeah, 13 and a half hours away, Missouri. Expect the unexpected. I love it there, and I'm doing whatever it takes, even if I completely dislike it, to get back there. The best thing about this whole experience is that every time I've truly explained my heart in an in depth conversation people look at me with amazement or they say they're proud of me, but then I get to look back at them and say yes this may be radical but it's God. At the end of my days I want to have done more than I said and be known for my radical obedience to God.
(On a foreal note though, I am accepting financial supporters for this and will be writing support letters soon! Even if I work everyday I won't be able to come up with enough money in time. I can't do this and fulfill this vision without you!)
'I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me
heavenward in Christ Jesus.' Philippians 3:14
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